I've developed a very close personal relationship with my Mac Pro!

I don't like being woken up by sexual acts.

The user was clucking like a chicken

Figs, firetrucks, twigs, and berries!

S. It comes after R and comes before T. Big Bird once told me that.

French fry. Wrong pipe.

Awesomesauce.

Hambyland: The amusement park you never want to visit.

We all got an iPad in celebration of Dave being out of the office.

I'm like a security sandwich!

I'm a special case.

Apparently I smell like cookies!

I need to smell myself more often

It's really bad when it blows up in your mouth after you bite down on it and you're not expecting it.

I'm not that picky.

I think [a] sheepshaver is hanging around here somewhere.

... this coming from someone who still surfs the web on a Color Classic ...

Bind it so we can violate it.

My cables aren't long enough.

I give it a year before it turns loose and floppy.

Mine jiggles and clicks and doesn't work quite right.

It just jiggles until it comes off in your hand.

Art Imitating Life

It's like fifteen drunken monkeys with a jigsaw puzzle.

Stop tweaking my chair!!!! (high pitched voice)

Aka Dramaqueen

Smells like sausage.

This really steams my clams.

If cancer is cured on a Mac, I'll laugh at you all.

Either I'm having a stroke, or somebody's having citrus.

It's raining crap and I don't have an umbrella.

Where's my lip gloss balm?

I'm trying to make you vibrate, hold on a second.

This gives me immense pleasure.