<SILENCE>

You're realigning my chi!

I'm a fatboy but I have an hourglass right here.

Cream cheese is proof that God loves us.

I woke up like a giant warm burrito this morning.

You know how anal I am with my stuff...

I don't blow gaskets, I vent openly.

She looked at me like I just kicked her puppy.

I've got like a 60-degree spread. In temperature, not legs.

No, but honestly... if you put your hand right here...

There's a wave of hot air coming from under my desk.

I just wanted to pet you. Is that cashmere?

I'm a hot mess like no other this morning.

But I need you to come back here to give you a good night kiss.

It's slow and it clunks and it threatens to eat my children.

Euphemistically called "Snack Cakes." Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Ho-Hos. My favorite three!

Do you want to smell my MacBook box?

You mean I'm not supposed to put things in there?

It cries and screams and makes a big deal.

I'm just being pedantic; you'll need to forgive me.

It's bigger than mine!

If he gets any sexier, I won't be able to get any work done.

Do I have a funnel on my head that collects dumbasses and rains them down on my head?

Eff you people.

I gotta watch what I frickin' say in the office, now.

This is an inappropriate use of the DL…

Inappropriate, people. This is a place of business.

Just login before I break your finger …

Where did he say to stick this?

My head is far too large.

Let's see it. Whip it out.

Nothing's immediate with LANrev... it kills you slowly.

We can't just pull a pre-configured package out of our posterior, lady!

The stub is starting to grow.

David had one.

Don't forget to pull and push!

Honey, it wouldn't fit in that sack.

Did you know you're supposed to drink coffee and not breath it?

...because I'm picky.

Dude, I just about killed myself over here.